ORDAINED MINISTER:

"Dearly beloved audience attendees, friends, and weirds, we are gathered here to join Chloe Rossetti and Olivia Fox in holy matrimony and moneytree-mony.

I will now charge the couple 50 dollars each, please rise for the ceremonial exchange of bills. Now please recite the ceremonial creed of consumance:

"With arms wide open

Under the sunlight

Welcome to this place

I'll show you everything

With arms wide open

With arms wide open"

The couple will now exchange vows, the manuals for the rest of their lives. Part A fits into Part B and so on…

*vows*

The couple will now exchange cool rings they bought for each other at the mall or whatever.

"With this ring, I wed thee" x2

The couple will now exchange the telling of their favorite animals, before this moment this fact was a secret, and with these words I command their freedom

chloe & olivia: *whispers* "giraffe! panda bear!"   

Wise choices. The giraffe signifies great heights to shared prosperity, the panda bear bestows trust and green-ness.

With the waves of my arms and my heart on my sleeve I now pronounce you manned wives.

You may kiss and hug

Blessed be the kingdom of queens! Amen!!" [Guitar Break]

"Give me my One Thousand Benefits, Uncle Sam

My Prime Minister went to war on behalf of your Bushes

And we reaped the visa benefits

But that is not enough for me

I want to be free to roam your stolen country, penniless and afraid

I want to plant wildflowers back in the gardens you plundered

I want to hop fences with people much more disenfranchised than me

I want to get arrested at marches

I want to freelance

I want to be reimbursed for my artistic labor

I want to leave your country without having to enter an embassy on the other side of the world in order to come back again

How is Canada? How is Mexico? How do you treat your neighbors, America?

How is your healthcare? How is your monogamy? How is your porn industry, America?

I want to hoard money in piles of cash under my bed

I want to stitch money into my backpack

I want to dropout

I want the right to one day refuse the work that I am so thankful for, that keeps me here

I want to be a Slacker, America

I want you to take care of me

I want to be Your Problem, Now

Let me into your municipal buildings as one of your own, America, so that I may impregnate you with the alien baby of change from the inside out

I want to vote, America, in your dictatorship because it’s poison not to

I want to leave and come back again

I want to worm my way into your paperwork

I am not an alien, America, just alien to you

Make me a citizen of your occupation so than I can change it

Grant me the weapon of your mobility

Marry me, America, into a system that I don’t understand

Marry my friends, too — let’s have a group wedding at the edge of the earth

Though wedlock is a kind of hemlock I would like you to need me, America, so that I may get inside of you

"La la la la la!~

Lu lu lu lu le

You are my friend, my friend Chloe.

A man once told me, well I assume he was a man because he said he was a lawyer...

Anyway he said to me:

"This document is legally binding, by signing here you agree to the terms above"

And that really spoke to me, resonated deep in my soul, and I decided then are there to set out on a mission; to find and sign as many legal documents as I possibly could. As long as I can shake a pen, as long as pens are still legal.

I think it was Ayn Rand that said, and I quote:

"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife" And I think happiest is the wife-groom that finds their willing participant in futuring their quest for stability and welfare. I can be that friend. I'm ready, and willing, and the police haven't confiscated my collection of pens yet nor have they ratified any laws against friendship. I had  a question for the ordained actually, is "consummation" really a requirement? How antiquated does this shit get in 2015? And by antiquated I of course mean sacred and protected institution.